Talking about the Enneagram Personality test, and how it has helped my family
Hi Friends! I hope you’re all well! 🙂 I’ve enjoyed a little break from blogging for the past couple of weeks, during which time I:
1. Watched Luke surf his way to 2nd place in the Hawaii State Surf Championship! (Woot woot!)
2. Enjoyed a long weekend with my childhood BFF and her family in town (which means 6 boys were in my home for 3 straight days! So. Much. Fun!)
3. Turned in my Boy Mom Book Manuscript (hooray!!!)
But…here’s the funny/maybe not funny thing: The day I turned in my book manuscript…the day that all writers dream of and look forward to, and most often celebrate with a bottle of champagne and a few solid weeks away from writing altogether…well on that day I sent an email to my book agent essentially saying “So, when can I turn in my next book proposal? I’m so excited to start working on it!” To which he wrote back to tell me that he’s never had an author email him about their next book on the same day they turned in their first manuscript.
Which proves I am a little crazy. OR…
That I’m a #3 on the Enneagram!
Yes. We’re here! FINALLY. Today we get to talk about the Enneagram Personality Profile. One of my very favorite things to talk about!
You might remember way back in my 2017 New Years Post when I shared my love of the Enneagram and suggested that perhaps I would write a post about it sometime. I had a huge response from people saying “YES PLEASE!”
Then life got busy. That Boy Mom Book came up. Then the Life in our 40’s Series. And…and… But that’s all water under the bridge now because we’re here and that’s all that really matters. (right?)
I have a bunch to cover here, but first — I should explain what it is for those of you who are not familiar.
The Enneagram is an ancient personality profile which has become more popular in the last few decades. The Enneagram suggests there are nine core personality types, and labels them simply with a number, 1 through 9. There are online tests you can take to figure out your typing (I’ll link to some at the bottom) but most people can figure out their type just by reading the basic descriptions (also below.) Along with your core Enneagram number, you will discover your “wing” (or secondary) personality, as well as which numbers you are likely to migrate towards in times of stress or health. It’s a simple profile to learn and once you take the time to understand it, you are likely to become hooked. Soon you’ll find yourself analyzing every member of your family, co-workers, friends and neighbors. (Should I tell my mail lady that I know her Enneagram type?)
For what it’s worth, I’ve never been a big personality-test person. I’ve taken a few, but I didn’t feel like they offered me much to work with; I felt like they put people in a box, and that didn’t offer help with growth or development. What I think makes the Enneagram different is that it looks at both the strengths and weaknesses of each personality type, and allows for more fluidity of personality under different circumstances. Instead of placing us in a box, the Enneagram suggests we have a lot of control over how we manifest our God-given personalities.
Now a quick disclaimer: I am not an expert on the Enneagram. I’m just sharing my personal experience and appreciation for it. I also want to note that I only use the Enneagram at its most basic level–as a personality typing which offers a bit of insight into myself and others. I do not use it for spiritual direction, and I would never suggest anyone do that.
With that said, the Enneagram has definitely helped me understand myself: both my strengths and weaknesses. I am an Enneagram 3, and I have a 2-wing, which means I am an achiever that loves to help others. If you’ve followed my blog for long, this probably makes sense; I love to work hard and then I want to help others with what I have learned. I also recognize areas I should be cautious of, like working too much (I still have 3 kids to care for and homeschool!) or being focused on image (hello, social media.) Most of all though, I think that understanding my personality has helped me appreciate things about myself that used to seem plain weird or wrong. (Like wanting to write another book the minute I finish the last one.) I feel like the Enneagram has liberated me to be more fully me. And that’s pretty cool.
When you discover the Enneagram types of your family members (and you can’t help but do that) you might gain more insight into what makes them tick…Why one of your kids always has to have the first and last word, and another will do anything to keep the peace. You will appreciate the friend (or co-worker or mother-in-law) who always wants to help people, and has hurt feelings when she doesn’t feel appreciated.
And…you might have more appreciation for your husband, who can only take so much social stimulation before he looks like his head might explode, and then lays awake for hours reading an article on his iPhone about ancient Greek Civilizations (or World War II, or hockey, or tractor engines or _______-fill in the blank) because HE’S A FIVE AND FIVES MUST KNOW ALL OF THE THINGS.
(I love my husband.)(Can you imagine all of the information stored up in that head of his?….I just can’t.)
If you are lucky enough to be married to a five (because they are pretty great) then you will have super fun date nights talking about the Enneagram, because though Fives don’t usually talk a lot, they love talking about the Enneagram. After all — the Enneagram is a bunch of information, and, of course, information is life.
I could talk all day about all of my family members and how much I’ve learned about them…Like how I now understand why on a hard day, Luke (an Enneagram 7) wants to drown himself in Oreos or will escape to Google earth where I’ll find him planning his dream vacation because 7’s LIVE FOR FUN AND PLEASURE and feel a survival-like need to avoid pain and hard days at all cost. This also explains why Luke and my mom have always been kindred spirits. For years these two have exchanged the phrase “You know me….” so when we discovered they were both Enneagram 7’s — everything made sense.
My oldest son is a solid 9 (Peacemaker, God bless him) who is best friends (and shares a bedroom) with his brother, an 8 (a Challenger.) It’s no wonder they get along so well, although we have learned that even NINES have their limits…
We aren’t sure about our seven year old, Levi. He is convinced the the is a 7, mostly because he idolizes Luke who is a 7. And with that I’m almost sure he is actually a 6 (Loyalist.)
Of course my boys have also learned to speak “Enneagram,” which is both helpful and hilarious. It has helped them develop greater self-awareness (which I find super important for teenagers!) as they recognize their own weaknesses and appreciate their strengths. I also think the Enneagram has helped them treat each other with more compassion and less frustration.
See, I could talk about this all day, but I’ll cut myself off now, and instead I will share a list of the NINE TYPES, with just a few words about each. You can click on each type to find a complete description of it over at the Enneagram Institute site.
The Nine Enneagram Type Descriptions
# 1 THE REFORMER
The Rational, Idealistic Type: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic
Motivated by: The Need to Be Perfect
2 THE HELPER
The Caring, Interpersonal Type: Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
Motivated by: The Need to Be Needed
3 THE ACHIEVER
The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious
Motivated by: The Need to Succeed
4 THE INDIVIDUALIST
The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental
(artists, musicians, focus on authenticity and self-expression.)
Motivated by: The Need to Be Special (or Unique)
5 THE INVESTIGATOR
The Intense, Cerebral Type: Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated; Information-gatherers.
Motivated by: The Need to Perceive (or Understand)
6 THE LOYALIST
The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious
Motivated by: The Need to Be Sure/Certain
7 THE ENTHUSIAST
The Busy, Fun-Loving Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered
Motivated by: The Need to Avoid Pain
8 THE CHALLENGER
The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational
Motivated by: The Need to Be Against
9 THE PEACEMAKER
The Easygoing, Self-Effacing Type: Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent. Peacemaker.
Motivated by: The Need to Avoid
WANT TO LEARN MORE?…
PODCASTS:
The Road Back to You podcast is ALL about the Enneagram.
Donald Miller’s Storybrand podcast talks about the Enneagram in the workplace– but it’s good for anyone. (and I just love all of his podcasts.)
ONLINE TESTS:
From the Enneagram Institute: This is the one I took. It offers a lot of helpful information. (I think it costs $10…)
A quick and free test. (Probably all you need.)
Two more which are free (and these will also show you your “wing” personality.)
BOOKS:
Though there are a lot of books available about the Enneagram, (I have a bunch of them) this is my favorite: The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery
This book does a great job of making the Enneagram understandable and useful. It is written from a Christian perspective (though again– I encourage you to line everything you read up with the truth of the Bible.) This book gave me the clearest explanation of each personality type, with strengths and weaknesses, and practical help for becoming the best version of you.
Want to to win a copy?! Giveaway closed.
I want to give a copy of this book away to one of you! To enter to win, please leave a comment below, and you’ll be entered to win. If you know your Enneagram type, I hope you’ll share it! If you have a different favorite personality test, I want to hear that too! If you don’t know your type yet, that is ok– leave a comment anyways! I’ll choose a commenter at random on Tuesday, May 8th, 2018 and email the winner (as well as announce it back here.) As usual, my blog subscribers get double entries, so let me know if you’re a subscriber! **ALSO, if you share this post/giveaway on social media, let me know and I’ll add another entry as well!
I can’t wait to hear from you!
I’m looking forward to a fun conversation!
Much aloha,
Monica
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would love to win this book!
Thank you!
I enjoyed your blog. No only have one son and two daughters but really needed insight to understanding my (type 4) boy.
Once I learned about his type it helped me to love him better and help him understand himself.
Thank you!
And pick me for the book!!!! 😉
Laurie Johnson
If you haven’t already, check out the Podcast, Sleeping at Last. It describes Enneagram types that is paired with a specific song made for each one & so much more! One-seven are completed & I believe 8 comes out this week. Your boys will love it too. Each podcast is made with great thought & compassion giving light onto each one. Enjoy!
Glad you mentioned that Kristine — I am familiar with Sleeping at Last but didn’t know of it back when I wrote this post. It is a really special way of learning about and appreciating each of the types!! The music is incredibly complex and so thoughtfully done! 🙂 XO
Hi Monica! Great story. Amazing how you can see the personality types of your sons in their body language. Though Luke’s million-dollar smile makes him look like a 3! 😀
Oh, and thanks for linking to our quick and free Enneagram test! 🙂
I took the free test and found the results to be amazingly accurate. It gave me a #2 and a #6, of which I can concur with most of it. Very helpful for all relationships I imagine.
Monica,
I think I’m a 2, w7.
Our family visited Oahu and Kauai a couple weeks ago and we really loved the North Shore of Oahu. I totally understand why you would love living there! We live in Oregon and it was nice to be warm and experience aloha.
Wendy
I have never understood it and would love to learn more. It would simplify life. I have subscribed to your blog for several years and receive weekly emails.
1 w9 – pegged myself perfectly before taking the test.
Hi-
I am subscriber and love your blog posts! Recently my women’s group did an Enneagram night…we each took the tests, figured out our type and then discussed it. So insightful! I am a 2, with a 4 wing, but also some 7 🙂 Look forward to listening to some of the podcasts you mentioned and would love this book to understand more! Aloha, Kim
Thank you! I had actually never heard of this particular personality testing. I find these things so interesting. Cannot wait to figure out what all of our kiddos are!
I am so behind!! My adult children say this has really helped them and I’d like to know what they are talking about but there are so many books. I returned about six to the library without really getting any benefit from them. Thanks for one good rec.
Hey Monica!
I’m a subscriber and have never commented on your blog before. Always an informative and uplifting read! I appreciate your wisdom. I also enjoyed The Secret of Your Naturally Skinny Friends, and wish you much success on your next book….and the one after that 🙂
Oh, I’m a Reformer (#1) wing 2!
Lisa D
Thank you Lisa! Love “meeting” you! 🙂 I don’t mind my quiet subscribers, but I do love it when you say hi! Thank you for the kind words! And now that I know you’re a 1, it means even more (you could be critiquing me of course! haha…) Blessings, and aloha!
Hi Monica!
What a great idea! I took the Enneagram at work to discover more about myself and my colleagues…it was a great tool to be more aware of ourselves and each other. But I love your idea of doing this as home!
Funny, I have three boys like you…and I’m a 3 with a 2 wing too! No wonder why I love your blogs and articles…oh yes. I’m a subscriber too 🙂
Thanks for all your insight and great ideas..keep them coming. And I can’t wait for your book to come. When is the release date?!?!
Mahalo and aloha!
Connie
Thank you Connie! So much fun. And yes, I definitely feel like I “get” fellow 3/2’s! 🙂 Thank you for subscribing to my blog also– so glad you’re a part of this fun community!
The book seems to take forever–Summer of 2019 is the last I have heard… Time will fly I suppose… 🙂 XO
Reading this from a sunny Ireland (true, amazing but true!). The fun that your guys get from surfing, our guys get from camping. We are a huge scouting family. Work, family and life can be so hard to juggle but when you keep in mind that God always has a plan, and when you take the time to absorb the amazing men that these boys are becoming, life is good.
Thanks for the fun & reassuring posts x
Thank you Anemarie! Oh I would love to visit Ireland one day! (I’ve got a bit of Irish in me I have found out — thanks to Ancestry test! :)) Yay for camping! That is so very healthy and great for boys. My 2 oldest are heading to the mainland for a 10 day camping trip together (Graduation gift!) this week. they are beyond excited! Much aloha and God bless-
I would love a copy!! Love your blog!
Thank you Pam!! aloha- 🙂
I love that you’re sharing this! I’m a one and my husband is a five. It’s hard to hear about what our inner motivations are, sometimes, but the Enneagram has helped me recognize my tendencies and the why behind them.
I totally agree…I cringed reading about myself, but cannot deny how helpful it is. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Aloha! 🙂
So interesting! Thanks for sharing! I like how you recognize it in your family and can use it to understand one another better
I am a subscriber!
I have just started learning about this! I think I’m a 5 based on two free tests I took. I also love learning about Myers-Briggs…my results go back and forth between INTJ and ISTJ.
So cool! I just heard about this recently and discovered I am a 7. As a Christian, I’m struggling with the chasm between “living for pleasure/ fun,” and “living for God” as the basic motivator for how I do life. I don’t want to only be about the temporary stuff and distractions that don’t amount to anything in the long run! Any suggestions for figuring out how this personality “type” given by God can be used FOR Him rather than to distract AWAY from Him?? (Happy to know that you have a young 7 at home as I’m sure you’ll be training him in whatever response you might have for me =)
Love this! I became familiar with the Enneagram a couple years ago when Russ Hudson(I believe founder of Enneagram Institute) did an in depth teaching on it with Richard Rohr. I have not seen the book that you like so much so I would love to dive into that! I am a 1 and need to figure out my ‘wing’ :-). Married to a 3. Still figuring out our kids but think we have a 2, 7, 8 in the mix with another 3 possibly. I have loved this as a tool for interpersonal relationship dynamics and am motivated now to revisit it and dig a little deeper!
Hi Monica,
I too am a 3 and 2! Is there any wonder I enjoy your blog so much?!
Also married to a doctor who is a 5! Ha!
I agree 5s are the greatest! Thanks for the book suggestion I think I will ask for it for Mother’s Day (if I don’t win it ;))
Have a great day and sending warm hellos from Canada
Laura
Wow! I had no idea it was so complicated. I took the test and turned out I am 6 with a 6 wing, astounding.
I’m learning about the Enneagram myself! I’m still new to it and not 100% sure I’ve typed myself correctly yet. But I might be a 4w5. The Road Back to You is the first book I read (and later bought too). And I’ve listened to several of the RBTY podcasts with my husband as well. Hubby thinks he may be a 5w3, but again, we aren’t sure of our types yet. One other podcast I really enjoyed listening to is Beth McCord as a guest for Annie F Downs. Also, I’m currently reading Mirror for the Soul: a Christian Guide to the Enneagram by Alice Fryling. It’s such an interesting way of look at yourself and your motives and then use that understanding to be able to change some of your negative behavior patterns by better recognizing them.
I’d love to find out what my family and I are!
Super excited by this. I have a hard time figuring out my oldest daughters personality even though I think I am good at figuring others out. Hope this will help 🙂
This book looks awesome. I’m very interested in learning more
I think I may be a 1 with a side of 3.
I have 3 boys, who I’m betting are a 5, an 8 (with a healthy side of 4; although at first glance those two seem at odds, they fit him to a T), and a 7. And one sweet little princess who right now is a 2, but she’s not quite 3yo, so that may change as she comes into her own a bit more. She has a strong stubborn & independent streak, along with that intense desire to help.
I can’t quite decide what hubby may be, a 6, perhaps?
One thing is certain, there are no two alike – and life is never dull in our home.
I am a subscriber to your blog, and I’ve shared this post.
Thank you an dyes so much fun analyzing all those family members. 😉 Hope you can dive in and learn more–I know you’ll gain insight through it. Glad you’re a subscriber and thanks for taking the time to comment. Aloha!
Love this! We are a family of 6, and I can’t wait to figure everyone out! I am pretty sure that I know a couple of my kids and my husband’s numbers…but I am going to have to take a test for myself as I feel like about three of them lined up with me (from your short description). Thanks for sharing on this!!!
Thank Andria–Yes, you’ll enjoy diving in deeper I am sure. 🙂 Thanks for commenting and hope the Enneagram offers you a bit of insight! aloha-
Love this idea. Thanks for sharing.
A friend just mentioned the Enneagram to me this week at lunch, so when I saw your blog post show up in my email inbox, I was eager to learn more! I love personality testing and how it helps with understanding relational dynamics. I took the quick test via the links you offered, and I tested as a 6w5. But honestly I need to read more! I feel like I am probably Type 6, but more of a 1 wing than 5. I am going to have my husband take it too! As a side note, I’m also the mom of 4 boys, so many of your posts are right up my alley! (Ages 12, 9, 6, and 5 months)
Hey Julie–Thank you for commenting! (and yay for 4-boy mommmas! :)) It’s funny how much the Enneagram comes up, so I’m always excited to get into another conversation about it! 🙂 And I should have mentioned in the post, (maybe I’ll add it–) your wing is typically a number on either side of your main number. Though when you learn which way you go in times of stress or health that might explain why you relate to other numbers too! (hopefully you’re just really healthy. :)) Enjoy and have a great day! aloha-
I think I’m a 9 wing 8 and I’d love the book.
I don’t know what I am, but this whole thing is fascinating to me, and my hubby will love it. So taking the test!
Awesome — keep me posted! 🙂
I’m not quite sure what I am but very interested in taking the quizzes ! Would love to win the book to gain understanding of which my husband is 🙂 I am a blog subscriber and I’ve shared this post ?
Thanks Ashleigh! So glad you’re a part of my blog community! Yes, it’s always fun to analyze our hubbies! much aloha-
I’m just discovering the Enneagram and it has me sooo excited!
I love the enneagram. As a 3, it has been one if several things, in addition to counseling and contemplative solitude with reading scripture that helped me really grasping the unconditional part of God’s love for me. I highly recommend reading The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective by Richard Rohr and The Sacred Enneagram by Christopher Heuertz for deeper info on the tool. I also live all the podcasts that Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile have done together and separately. I am in a study currenting going through The Path Between Us. Is anyone else reading That? Would love to hear thoughts.
Thank you Susan! Such great info–I do have A Christian Perspective book, but haven’t dove in too far in that one (it’s a heavy read! :)) So fun that you are in a study on it as well…I’ve heard the Path Between Us is good–are you enjoying it so far? Keep me posted, sounds like you’re a bit of an expert! aloha-
I’ve read about this personality test in Reading People by Anne Bogel. I even checked out the book you are giving away, but I never got around to reading it! Thanks for getting it on my radar again!
I had never heard of this! Just took the quick test you linked to and I’m a 9, with 6 & 5 wing. I recently was promoted to manager at my job and now oversee 11 employees. I’m thinking this could be a great tool in being a good leader for them. Also can’t wait to see how my 2 boys test.
Thank you, as always, for sharing you wisdom!
Tomi
Awesome Tomi (and congrats!! That is a big responsibility!!) Hope the Enneagram is a helpful tool, and that you enjoy applying it to all kinds of things! 😉 Much aloha.
I think I am a 9 but need to keep reading and researching to be sure. Love that you blogged about this!
Thank you Brooke! Yes, there’s a lot to learn about this and it seems to just get more fun as you learn more! Enjoy! aloha-
Okay, I took a test a while back because I am totally fascinated by personality and how it develops within the brain, I learnt about the test while doing a psychology course last year. I am a 3 with a wing of 2 which has helped me understand why I keep trying to succeed in everything that I do. Can’t wait to discuss this with the rest of my family, I am a subscriber and really enjoy reading your blog.
Aloha
Yay for 3 with 2 wings! You and I could talk all day! Hope you and the whole family benefits from it! Thank you for being a part of my blog community! Much aloha-
Woah woah havn’t read this particular book yet hun but dead-set as a Christian woman I can say the Enneagram was a gift from God into my marriage & life about 3 years ago – my hubby & I talk about it weekly if not daily it’s changed our parenting & our understanding of eachother, the world & people in it!! It means we understand ourselves & differences & don’t constantly trip over the same problems like idiots. We still trip over but we know why we do & how to say sorry & make changes!! It’s not easy to read as it requires openness to change but God helps a lot there too.
Blessings from Australia
I’m a SEVEN wth a 6 wing !
My hubby is a ONE with a 2 wing!
Firecrackers in our diversity!!
Son (12) is a 1 with a 9 wing; Daughter (10) is a 4 with developing wings.
SO interesting Theresa! Thank you so much for sharing all of that. What an encouragement! Big blessings to you! xo
I’ve only taken a quick online test and came out a 9 with an 8 or 1 wing…?..Look forward to reading more about it and figuring out the rest of the fam! I am a subscriber and love your blog and down-to-earth insight…and your amazingly beautiful HI pics! Blessings!
Thank you so much Mega! 9’s are great–My oldest son is pretty amazing and I’m sure you are too!… Appreciate the kind words and so glad you’re a subscriber! Blessings! xo
My guess is that I’m a 6 with a 5 as a wing. But I’m excited to take the quizzes to find out for sure. I love this kind of stuff ☺️
haha, it’s the 5 in you! 😉 (I love it too though!) Thanks and enjoy!
So it turns out that I am a 9 (maybe it’s an oldest child thing! Haha) My husband is a Challenger 8! Lord, help us! Lol
I have never heard of this! I would guess I am a 2 or 9? I am going to take a test. Sounds fascinating! Thank you Monica!
Yes Lori, 2’s and 9’s have some similarities but the test will help you figure it out. Let me know what you come up with! So glad to introduce you to the Enneagram. 🙂 Much aloha-
After reading the descriptions, I haven’t quite figured it out my number yet. Next step = try the online tests – thank you for the links.
As for other personality tests, I like the ‘Strengths Finder’. There is a book and I think a website as well.
And I love being a subscriber – little rays of sunshine that help me view experiences/people with a different lens.
Thank you Tara! (might be copying and saving how you described those little rays of sunshine…awww, so sweet!) Yes, take the test! I think you’ll love it. I actually bought the Strengths Finder book but haven’t read it yet–I need to pull that out now! 🙂 Much aloha and let me know how your Enneagram comes out! xo
I am SO glad you posted about this! I’m a 2. On a road trip with our 14 year old sons, we had them take the test, and we talked about their numbers, reading sections from books describing Enneagram types. This process has helped us SO much! Congrats on your new book!?
Oh fun Hallie! I love that! I’d love to hear what your 14 yr. olds are–(they are twins?) SO interesting to see how our kids get along in light of their Enneagram personalities. A great conversation for a long car ride, if nothing else! haha. 🙂 Aloha-
This sounds fascinating and MAY be incorporated in “school” tomorrow, with our 3 boys! The book with the biblical focus sounds interesting!
Awesome! Keep me posted. I hope you all love it! 😉
I have never heard of this but it’s very intriguing! Can’t wait to learn more and take the test!
I think I’m a 2 but is it possible to be a little of each one??
I’m one of your blog suscribers 🙂 yay! Love your blog!
Ah, thank you Juli! And I’m so glad to be the one to introduce you to the Enneagram! Yes, you’ll discover your “wings” and a few other personalities you likely have some of us as well. Thats what i love about this particular typing! Hope you enjoy it all! 😉 Aloha and thanks for being a subscriber. I’m glad you’re here!
Oh man- I keep hearing about this book! Now I need to read it. I would guess I am a 2?